EATING CROW & IPHONES…

Up until recently, a typical conversation in our house would go something like this…

Setting: Our family room where my husband is sitting in his recliner surrounded by a week’s worth of newspapers, an empty beer bottle or two, a bag of chips  and other miscellaneous snack food. He has the TV remote in his lap and a death grip on his iPhone.

Me: “Could you take your newspapers out to the recycle bin? If they get any higher, you’ll be buried alive and our kids will call that Hoarding show on TV.”

Husband who continues to be engrossed with his iPhone: “Mmm… I’ll do it in little while. I’m killing zombies, right now.”

Me, pissed off: “You’re on that thing all the time. You really need to put it down and join the real world.”

Husband: Silence… he’s returned to the land of Zombies. (alternatives would be Angry Birds, Mutant Road Kill, Pinball, Pool and Solitare)

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New Setting: A restaurant.

Me: Would you put the damn phone down so we can have a normal conversation?

Husband: I’m just checking in on Facebook.

Me, pissed off, again: Why are you taking a picture of our food?

Husband: I’m going to post it on Facebook.

Me: Now what are you doing?

Husband: I’m checking to see who has the cheapest gas.

Me, royally pissed off, to waiter/waitress: I’ll have a bottle of wine and a straw.

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ME, EATING CROW.

OK, IT’S NOT ME EATING CROW, BUT IT WOULD BE CREEPY TO POST A PICTURE OF A DEAD CROW, LAID OUT ON A PLATE.

WAIT A MINUTE, I’M A VEGETARIAN!!!

About 6 months ago I dropped my clam shell phone on the garage floor and my life changed forever. In my defence, I was due an upgrade so it didn’t cost very much and I liked the idea of talking to Siri since it was getting more and more difficult to carry on a conversation with my husband. I didn’t expect the addiction.

Now, when we go out to dinner it’s a double-date. Me, my husband and our iPhones. (I have to credit fellow-blogger at www.mersassy.com for that observation) I shop on my iPhone–very cool, but also very dangerous. I keep it by my side 24/7 because I never know when I might need to look something up. Or pay a bill. Or check my email or Facebook or Twitter accounts. Or buy a book. Or read a book–I rarely pick up my Kindle now. Or send someone a present. Or use the GPS because I can’t find my way out of a paper bag. Or text someone. Sometimes I actually use it to talk to a real person.

My iPhone also gave me a voice when I had none. Literally. I’m just getting over a ten-day bout with the flu and for most of that time I had laryngitis so bad I couldn’t say a word. I was writing my husband notes but unless I threw something at him, it was hard to get his attention because, you guessed it, he was on his iPhone. Finally, he said, “Just text me.” So even though he was sitting no more than six feet away from me, I texted him when I needed something. Brilliant. I now know how to get his attention.

It also gave me away to keep up with my email when I didn’t feel like climbing the stairs and getting on the desktop. When I finally felt well enough to climb the steps, I had over 1500 waiting for me, so if you sent me anything during that period and I didn’t respond, I apologize. I was pretty overwhelmed and even though I scanned through them, I likely deleted more than I should.

I’m back on track and next week I’ll post links to some of the sites that will help you market your novel. In the meantime…

GET OFF THAT SMART PHONE AND HAVE A GREAT WEEK!!!!