Tasteless Lightbulb Ta-ta’s and Free E-Books!

My father-in-law, who had a rather bawdy sense of humor, brought this lady home after vacationing in Hawaii during the late fifties. It was one of the things that my husband insisted we keep from my Adventures in Hoarding  experience. I wasn’t thrilled at first. She’s a little over-the-top and since I’m not into the Hawaiian Bar motif, I wasn’t quite sure how to work her into our decor. I have to admit that was a much bigger issue for me than her politically incorrect lightbulb ta-tas. Fortunately, I didn’t have to decide right away because Phil, our tabby cat, found her grass hula skirt quite tasty. After I found pieces of it in the litter box, we knew that to keep her out in the open would have dire results–she would soon be completely naked rather than half-naked, and Phil would probably need emergency abdominal surgery.

We banished her to the closet and for years we only brought her out during the Christmas holidays when Phil was too engrossed in trampling the Victorian Village under the tree to pay her much attention. She sported a Santa hat and the light bulbs in her perky little ta-tas were changed to red and green. I piled peppermints or cinnamon scented pine cones in her basket and she was always a very festive addition to our holiday.

It didn’t occur to me until I was putting away our Christmas decorations this year that she could live with us year-round because Phil has gone to kitty-heaven where he can eat all the hula skirts and trample all the little villages he wants. Which brings back the dilemma of where do I put this tasteless little piece of Americana?  She’s too casual to look right in our living room. I considered putting her in the bathroom with little soaps or hand towels in her basket. Or in the kitchen where she could hold matches or little packets of sweetener. Actually, I think the best idea is to put her in the family room and use her basket for all those remotes we’re constantly looking for. I’m still open to suggestions. Let me know if you have any.

I haven’t been very good at keeping you posted on the books that I’m reading (something I plan to change) but I just finished one that I have to tell you about. I found 1929 Jonathan’s Cross while I was scrolling through the list of free e-books I get everyday at http://ereadernewstoday.com/  I’m cheap, frugal and I love the idea of being able to try out books for free when looking for new authors. And it’s a great way for authors to find new readers by offering them a free look at one or more of their books. The books aren’t free forever, so take advantage while you can.

1929 Jonathan’s Cross follows the struggles of three well-to-do couples who were plunged into poverty when the stock market crashed in 1929. The husbands had been business partners who not only lost their own money but those of their clients as well. It’s filled with twists and turns and an in-depth look at human nature. The ending leaves you with a hook that has you on a desperate search for the sequel. The good news is, there is one. The author is M.L. Gardner and you can find out more at http://mlgardnernovels.com/

It’s time to get back to my own novel Kept Secrets (it’s set in 1864 on the Adventures in Hoarding property) where a couple of my characters. Captain Turner and Abigail Stephens are both having a really, really bad day.

I hope your day goes much better than theirs.



About Diana Douglas

Diana Douglas, author. Coorganizer of the Arizona Novel Writers Workshop. Member Arizona Historical Novel Society, Member BooksGoSocial Authors, Transplanted Texan. http://www.meetup.com/Arizona-Writers-Workshop-com http://twitter.com/#!/themodernscribe
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16 Responses to Tasteless Lightbulb Ta-ta’s and Free E-Books!

  1. Diana, maybe you could put Miss Ta-Tas on your dining room table and have a little centerpiece of small fruits or nuts in her basket. 😉 Good luck with incorporating her into your decor. I have a couple of items that are completely out of place with my decor but will not be banished because of sentimentality. None of mine are as colorful as Miss Ta-Tas, though. 🙂

    Thanks for the tip on the free e-book. Sounds like one I might like.

    • I like the idea of fruit & nuts and since our friends & neighbors already think we’re a little weird (I usually have a bird sitting somewhere on my person & my husband tells terrible jokes to anyone who will listen) it wouldn’t matter that the dining room is visible from the front door.
      Jonathan’s Cross is now 99c but it’s better than a lot of full priced books, It could have used a little more editing but the storyline was so engrossing, it didn’t matter.

  2. Marcia says:

    I love your ta-ta hula girl! Tacky but fun! Hmm…I would definitely put her in the bedroom on the dresser and light her up with red bulbs, carrying lotions and such. Turn her on when you or hubby wants to be turned on!
    I’m definitely going over to get that ebook. I have a book challenge (#howmanybooks) with Kate MacNicol to read 10-12 in my niche and this fits perfectly!
    I love the sound of your book! Will you be telling us more about it in your blog?

    • Mmm… Lotions & such–I never thought of that. Good one.
      I’ll be posting excerpts from all my books in the next few weeks. I hope you like them.
      Just in case you’re under a time crunch, Jonathan’s Cross is pretty long for an e-book. It took me four nights to finish. Good luck with you challenge!

  3. Eric says:

    If I were her, I’d sue the plastic surgeon.

  4. O. Leonard says:

    I think eBay with a high reserve, something like $3,000. Unless, of course, you desperate to keep it. It reminds me right away of the leg lamp in “A Christmas Story.” Too funny.

  5. Diana, your tacky Ta-Ta Girl reminds me of the tacky lamp from A Christmas Story (the fishnet stocking leg). No home is complete without some embarrassing thing to light up!

    And thanks for the link to the free e book site. Sounds interesting. I’m happy to hear you’re working on your novel. I haven’t started pulling my memoir together yet–still writing stories to post on my blog. I guess it’s my way of delaying what seems to be a monumental task…But this year is my year to do it!

  6. Char Bishop says:

    Sell on ebay! :-). Whatever you do, don’t tuck her away again–you’ll be depriving a lot of folks of some laughs.

  7. molly says:

    Brazen-faced hussy that Ta-Ta Tatty – seriously chintzy!
    I don’t smoke, but y’know those matchbooks from hotels, restaurants, clubs that are worth a return visit – now they might nest neatly into her basket for future reference? Hope you cruise ‘Kept Secrets’ wrap-up, cheers catchul8r molly

  8. hawleywood40 says:

    First of all, she’s so cute! I like the remote-container idea. But Marcia’s idea rocks too!

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